


Tell Me

by Lezbean_musical_addict



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Author Is Sleep Deprived, Car Accidents, Connor Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen) Dies, Sad with a Happy Ending, Sadness, Suicide, The Author Regrets Everything, evan and connor are best friends, sad evan hansen, suicidal evan, the author is very very sorry and hopes they won't be hated
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-03
Updated: 2018-04-03
Packaged: 2019-04-17 17:36:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14194164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lezbean_musical_addict/pseuds/Lezbean_musical_addict
Summary: Connor didn’t tell Evan anything remotely related to this; he hadn’t said goodbye, nothing.-When Evan thought of Connor, he thought of trust, but now he wasn’t so sure.





	Tell Me

**Author's Note:**

> I know I haven't posted anything in a while, and I'm sorry, I'm working on lots of things right now and life is just crazy, sorry. But I am posting this because it's edited and everything and I'm posting it now because I don't know when I'll post next.
> 
> So this was originally a personal response to text assignment for English class and the theme just fit so well so I kept details the same and only changed names for the assignment and then have changed them back and am posting this so, if some things are weird I'm sorry 
> 
> This is gonna be a sad one, I'm sorry for that too
> 
> TW: Talk about suicide, mentions of suicide, getting hit by cars, pills, hospitals

“Mrs. Cynthia Murphy? We regret to inform you, with the heaviest hearts, we found your son, Connor’s body was found in an abandoned orchard, a few miles down the highway. He overdosed on pain medication.” The officer continued talking but Evan couldn’t hear, his mind was too busy racing.

Connor, his polar opposite, the only one who understood him, the only one he completely trusted, the one who trusted him completely and only him, his best friend had overdosed thus killing himself in their favourite spot in the world.

Evan started to run a hand through his short curly dirty blonde hair. Connor was Evan’s world, his best friend, they had meant the world to each other. Evan stopped moving his hand. Or at least Evan thought they did.

But Connor didn’t tell Evan anything remotely related to this; he hadn’t said goodbye, nothing. When Evan thought of Connor, he thought of trust, but now he wasn’t so sure. His tall, gangly, long dark haired, blue eyed, black clothing wearing, black nail polish wearing, bullied-with-the-name ‘school shooter’, best friend whom he told everything and who told him everything, was gone without a word of goodbye.

“Evan?” Mrs. Murphy gently touched Evan’s shoulder. Evan flinched and pulled away, he looked around the room. The police were gone now. Larry Murphy, Connor’s dad stood stone faced, not letting any emotion show. Zoe, Connor’s sister was clearly deep in her thoughts with a sad sort of pained look on her face. Cynthia was crying, and it was only then that Evan noticed he too was shedding tears. He wiped them away and stood up.

“I’m sorry Mr. and Mrs. Murphy, but I have to go. I need to go.” Evan said while hastily gathering his belongings. “Goodbye, um, see ya around.” Evan said and quickly left.

More tears fell down Evan’s face as he walked out into the warm late evening air. It was dark out by now, making it the exact kind of night Connor loved. Memories of nights like these flashed through his mind, warm evening driving down the highway, with Connor’ Jeep stripped of all the doors, laughing and having fun together. They’d get back to the city and go to Evan’s house at the top of the hill street were they’d be able to lay on the still warm, smooth, pavement of the road and look up at the stars, not worried about cars due to the advantage of the hill. They’d stay out until it got cold or Evan’s mom called them in, where they’d go make nachos or popcorn and stay up watching movies.

But that was all gone now. It’d never happen again. Even if Evan could find someone else to do that with it’d never be the same.

Evan only had Connor and vice versa. Evan didn’t trust easily. Connor had been the anomaly, the different one, the odd one out who actually clicked with him. And now he was alone.

He was alone, how had that happened? Connor should’ve been able to trust him enough to tell him, let Evan help him. What had Evan done to deserve this betrayal? This ultimate betrayal. The two promised they could come to each other with this kind of thing. Why did Connor break that promise? What had Evan done to lose that trust?

What had Evan done to deserve such betrayal from Connor, from the world? The entire world turned against him. Something happened that Connor was pushed to feel he had no one in the world who cared enough. The world betrayed Connor. The world betrayed Evan.

Before Evan knew it he was home. His mom, Heidi, rushed to his side, it was clear she had been crying.

“Evan! cynthia just called, she told me everything. I’m so sorry Evan. I know how close you boys were. Are you okay?” She asked. “I mean, you’re not okay, you just lost your best friend but,”

“I’m fine, mom. I’ll be fine.” Evan said.

Heidi pulled her son into a hug. She was as tall as her son, but that’s where the similarities stopped. Evan took after his father, with his hair and his blue eyes, as well as the average build. She loved her son and only felt bad that she wasn’t around more but between her job and her classes and most of her free time being used sleeping or for important appointments, there wasn’t much time left. “I love you.” Heidi whispered in her son’s ear. “Are you hungry?” She asked as he pulled away.

“No, mom. I’m tired. I’m going to bed.” Evan moved towards his room.

“Okay, goodnight Evan.”

“Goodnight mom, love you.” Evan called before closing his door.

The next two days were a chorus of funeral plans and people checking in on Evan that he really wished would stop.

Evan was hurting between the loss of his best friend and the sting of the related betrayal. He knew he was bottling things up, but who could be talk to? Evan didn’t know where to turn, who to go to, who to talk to. So, secrets and lies, that’s what Evan became, he kept secrets and told lies. He had trusted Connor, and that lead to brutal heartbreaking betrayal and him losing his person. He was afraid to trust, what would happen to the next person he choose to confide his secrets in. So he kept his secrets clutched to his chest, too afraid to trust.

But what would happen if it went on for too long? Would he end up depressed? Would he kill himself like Connor? Would it really be all that bad?

Evan shook himself out of it and continued walking home from school. He stepped into the road to cross the street, just a block away from home on an unbusy street he’d crossed daily for years.

Half a second later, Evan’s body was slammed into by a speeding car on the quiet street.

Everything hurt, Evan was on the ground and there was blood, but other than that Evan had no idea what was happening and then the world went black.

From there things were a blur and memories were missing. Evan didn’t know what the doctors had put him on but he was sleeping a lot and only one thing really became clear. Evan needed to talk to him mom, tell her how he really felt. When he was almost awake many times He could tell Heidi was there, and sometimes he could tell she was crying, he couldn’t leave her. He had to tell her everything, and get help, even though he was in pain and just wanted it to stop, he couldn’t keep hurting and hurt his mom in the process.

After a while Evan properly woke up and he told his mom exactly how he felt about everything. She cried when he told her, but was glad he did.

“I guess I just feel so betrayed, mom. Why didn’t he tell me? Why didn’t he leave a note at the very least? Why didn’t he bother to say goodbye?”

“Actually he did.” Zoe said from the doorway.

“What?” Evan asked confused.

“He left a note, it wasn’t with him which is why they didn’t find it until now. Here.” Zoe came into the room and handed Evan a folded up piece of paper.

Evan took it and read, then he read it again, and again. He cried but no longer felt quite so betrayed. He didn’t feel quite so sad now.

“Thank you Zoe. So much, I can start to feel better now. It means a lot.”

“No problem Evan. And hey, I know you don’t have an easy time talking to people but I’m here for you if you need someone to talk to. And there’s people at school too.”

“Thank you Zoe. And I think I’ll accept the offer.”

“Okay then.” Zoe smiled and plopped herself in a chair beside Heidi.

Zoe, and the other friends Evan made, would never replace Connor, no one could, but they were a symbol of hope, that maybe, just maybe, he wasn’t so alone, and maybe he really could trust others again.

**Author's Note:**

> Yes I actually handed this into my teacher. No it wasn't happier for the teacher, I only changed names. And no the teacher hasn't freaked out and called my parents because he understands me and we talk about these kinds of things before I write them and he's cool with it because he realizes it's good for me and if he's worried we just talk about things because he's cool that way, anyway this is getting too long hope you enjoyed


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